Story of a life: hard questions to ask

TELLING THE STORY WITH LOVE

Sometimes there isn't time, as burials in Shetland tend to take place very quickly after death. But before meeting a family to discuss what they want to happen at a funeral, I ask them at least to read through this questionnaire to prepare themselves for telling their loved one's story. 

"What I want to do is tell your loved one’s story. In the way you want and with all the details absolutely correct. And I want the service to be what you want, with the right music, if required, readings and, if you feel they’d be helpful, prayers or other religious content. Or not as the case may be. It’s completely up to you. 

I have readings and poems which I often use, but I would welcome any suggestions by you. And if any member of the family or friend wants to speak, that would be great. 

I will make sure that you see and have a chance to correct everything, both the main service and what’s said at the graveside, if there is to be a burial. There should be no surprises for you.

The list below may help you clarify things, especially, the story of your loved one’s life and people who should be mentioned. It’s not a form, and you don’t need to fill it in or answer all the questions, but it may spark off some thoughts and ideas. You can write as much or as little as you want. You can copy the questions and answer them as fully or briefly as you think appropriate, and then email me at skelpitlugs@gmail.com Or  print your thoughts  out and give it to me when we meet to talk things through.

Phone me at any time."

Tom Morton

Funeral date and time

Entry music

Music for period of reflection

Hymns?

Exit music

Other music

Poems

People who are to speak in addition to Tom

Full name of deceased

Maiden name if appropriate

Nickname or everyday name

Date of birth

Where born

Parents’ names

Parents’ occupations

Parents home address 

Brothers and sisters, including month and year of birth. Are they still alive? If not, when did they die?

Social media - Facebook, Instagram, Twitter - please check to see if comments there might be used.

Early life - schooldays, memories, pals, stories

Schools attended

College or university

Qualifications

Date left school/college

First Job

Job history and career

Stories, memories and friends from work

Partner - name, how they met, married if they did, 

Stories and memories from life together

First house

Subsequent homes

Children - names and birthdays

Children’s partners and grandchildren

Stories and comments from children and grandchildren

Holidays - stories and comments

If you had to describe your loved one - what words would you use/were used?

Hobbies and interests

Books, TV, cinema favourites

Health

Things which should not be referred to.

Cause of death

Date of death

Charity collection

Place of burial

Is there a bus for folk to get to the cemetery/reception?

Will you line up to greet mourners after the burial?

Venue for funeral tea/reception

Friends or neighbours to mention or contact

Additional thoughts and comments