Believe it or not: individual ceremonies for everyone.

I've recently found myself back writing and conducting funeral services, after a few months' necessary break for health reasons. And after some reflection, I'm available once more to legally marry folk.I know there has been  a little confusion in Shetland about what I do, why I do it and what my beliefs are. This has resulted in some religious organisations- not all - being unwilling to let me conduct ceremonies in their buildings. This is completely understandable and I respect their decision. 

Let's talk about Humanism. "Tom Morton's a Humanist," people say. I've said that in the past, but felt very uneasy about that capital 'H'. I think there's a lot of misundertstanding where we live because of the way Humanism has manifested across all parts of Scotland, Shetland included.  With our Calvinist history, Humanism emerged with strong ideas within an ethos of atheism - a belief that human beings and science are the be-all and end-all, the ultimate arbiters of  what constiututes life, the universe and...everything. For many folk, though, when they talking about 'a Humanist service' what they mean is that they don't believe in God or no longer care to think about religion. Others have challenges with the institution of organised religion but maintain a range of beliefs, including believing in God.  Whatever people’s reason for choosing a humanist ceremony it is because they certainly don't want to be preached at during their funeral. Even if they are dead.  

Some, not all of the Big-H Humanist organisations will not permit any mention of God, the singing of hymns or the recital of prayers at their services. They're cuddly, and liberal except when it comes to the mention of God, whereupon stick firmly to their version of Humanist dogma.

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My funeral is your funeral

In the decade since I began working with the excellent Shetland undertakers Goudies, the funeral services I've led  have ranged from entirely secular  tof ully Christian, with hymns and prayers, and have included  forays into Buddhism, radical socialism and various tinges of godliness and/or unbelief along the way. 

I wrote and published a book during the Covid pandemic called It Tolls for Thee: Celebrating and Reclaiming the End of Life that provides resources to help prepare for death and also for the bereaved to conduct or plan a funeral service without priestly or ministerial intervention. It's widely available and can be purchased on Amazon.

Enabling and reflecting

My aim when working with a family on a loved one's funeral is always to fulfil the wishes of the folk who've lost someone. The only agenda I bring is to help and comfort, and I want to reflect the beliefs of the bereaved people. The more involvement of family members and friends in actually conducting a service, the better, I believe. I’m happy to enable that, but completely understand if folk want simply to have someone else perform the public aspects of a last farewell.

Faithful and faithless without fear

My own background is essentially Christian and I have extensive experience in conducting church services, as well as in writing and broadcasting. I am rooted in Christian values and language, and these days I am very comfortable expressing that in public. As I've already said, I think that Humanism with a capital 'H' is as much a faith as fundamentalist Christianity, and can be every bit as hardline and divisive about their beliefs. I’m not interested in that kind of aggressive, confrontational faith, be it godly or ungodly. I should say that my delightful associates at our ‘spiritual humanism’ group Celebrate People were and are supportive, inclusive and open to religious content in services. 

Funeral services that make no mention whatsoever of God and reflect the atheism or agnosticism of the person who has died, and his or her family, are as fine with me as those that contain prayers or elements of the Roman Catholic liturgy or the Apostles’ Creed. Sometimes a psalm is essential. Sometimes you need some AC/DC or The Clash. For me it's about providing words and music that mark the end of life in a dignified, honouring, reassuring and memorable way. If that means poetry by John Cooper Clarke or Emily Dickinson; from the Psalms, Daniel O'Donnell or something less lyrical from Das Kapital, that means the ceremony is inclusive and reflects the individual’ life.

The dead person's family will read exactly what will be said by me and any other participants in advance. There are, or should be, no surprises

Weddings

Thanks so much to the couples who have trusted me and the wondrous Celebrate People with the beginning of their marital adventures! And to the Shetland Registrar, who has always been really helpful. 

It's my association with  Celebrate People that means I can carry out legal marriage ceremonies anywhere in Scotland. Get in touch if you feel I can help. Sometimes the local Registrar is unable to officiate at more rural or remote venues. I'm now exploring ideas for what I’m calling the St Magnus Viking wedding ceremony - a proper, Damascus-steel sword,  engraved with the couple’s names. Symbolically sheathed as a sign of peace and combined with handfasting using a scarf embroidered with doves, the sign of St Magnus; the ritual drinking of mead or beer...and of course the exchange of rings. Such a ceremony is steeped in both Christian and Norse traditions. The symbolism of sword dove...and raven, that seeker after ladn and security, used both by Viking warriors - and, of course, Noah. Also it's all about the practical, joyous reality of individuals and families uniting as one

Money and food

As for fees, I am aware that most 'Humanist' or secular celebrants do charge a set amount for conducting a funeral, often plus expenses, and collected via the funeral director. I have done that in the past (for a time I was the only person in Shetland conducting non-religious funerals and was essentially employed by Goudies, who provided clothing and transport). I should say that Church of Scotland ministers and approved Kirk celebrants do not charge at all, though a donation is expected and building and musician hire is compulsory. There is no fee for Roman Catholic priests though a donation to the church is traditional.

For the past few years I've asked only for donations to either the Food Bank or the RNLI. The generosity of families has been humbling. But I now need to pay monthly fees to Celebrate People which go towards insurance and replacing me in the event of illness ( as in fact happened last year). And then there’s ever-increasing travel costs  (ferry fares in some instances) and the occasional white shirt. So in future I will be charging, via Goudies, a flat fee for funerals. The same as Church of England priest: £199.

Weddings are different, due to the time that needs to be devoted to planning and preparation. There are statutory fees payable to the Registrar and Celebrate People handle legal aspects, insurance and celebrant stand-ins in case of illness. So there is a fairly substantial fee for weddings, agreed by Celebrate People. It's £550.

In cases of obvious need, of course I’ll waive any payment.

An old friend of mine, a Kirk minister, once said her job was ‘to walk the dying to the door’. I suppose I see my role in funerals as telling the story of the departed, providing words of comfort, hope… and realism. As we walk with a loved one to their grave, and leave them there. And we walk back to life. We can go on. We will go on. I believe that's true.

tommorton.live

thebeatcroft@gmail.com